Benjamin Teo
Updated on November 7th, 2024
Looking to bring a bit of Aussie cheer to Christmas this year? Whether at the beach or by the BBQ, these Christmas jokes will get everyone laughing. From reindeer in the Outback to Santa in boardies, we’ve got the perfect Xmas present to keep spirits high and smiles wide. So grab a pav, sit back, and enjoy some holiday humour! 🎅🎁
The Best Christmas Jokes List
🏄♂️ What do you call Santa when he’s on the beach in Australia? Sandy Claus!
🎤 What happened when Santa tried stand-up comedy? He sleighed.
🧝♂️ What do you call an elf who won’t share? Elfish.
🍪 Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? He was feeling crummy.
🎄 What did one Christmas tree say to another? Lighten up!
🥁 What’s the best Christmas present to receive? A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
⛄️🥕 Why was Frosty the Snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
🍫 What’s Forrest Gump’s Christmas advice? “Christmas is like a box of chocolates—you never know if you’re getting socks or candy!”
📐 What’s the best way to keep warm at a chilly family gathering? Stand in the corner; they’re usually 90 degrees!
Australian Themed Christmas Jokes
What do you call Santa when he’s on the beach in Australia? Sandy Claus!
What do you call a snowman on holiday in the Australian tropics? A puddle!
What kind of motorbike does Australian Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
Why don’t Aussies have a white Christmas? Because they prefer a golden one at the beach!
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep? A woolly jumper! (or) What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with Santa’s reindeer? A Christmas hopper!
Why is it never cold at Christmas in Australia? Because it’s in Decembrrrr… but it’s summer!
Why does Santa prefer BBQ prawns over cookies in Australia? Because it’s the true “flavour of Christmas!”
Why was the bush turkey crossing the road on Christmas Day? Because he wasn’t chicken!
Why did Santa take surfing lessons? So he could “sleigh” the waves!
What’s the closest thing Aussies get to snow at Christmas? A beach covered in white sand!
Santa
What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause.
Why don’t you ever see Santa in a hospital? Because he has private “elf” care!
How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? He keeps a “log”!
Why did Santa go to the therapist? Because he had a “sleigh” of emotions.
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A “Holly” Davidson!
Why did Santa start gardening? He wanted to “ho ho ho” the ground!
What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? A lost Claus.
What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!
Why don’t secrets ever last at the North Pole? Because Santa always knows who’s “naughty or nice.”
Why was Santa good at karate? Because he has a black belt!
What do you call a broke Santa Claus? Saint “Nickel”-less.
Why did Santa go to music school? So he could improve his “wrap” skills!
Why was Santa late to deliver presents? His sleigh got mistle-towed.
Why didn’t Santa get on the elevator with his reindeer? Clause-trophobia.
What happened when Santa tried stand-up comedy? He sleighed.
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house.
Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
Elves
What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with? Shortbread.
Who is the elf’s favourite music artist? “Elf”-is Presley!
How do elves greet each other? “Small world, isn’t it?”
Why do elves make good listeners? Because they’re all ears!
What do elves learn in school? The “elf”-abet!
What do elves do after school? Their gnome-work!
What do you call a rich elf? Welf-thy!
What do you call an elf who wins the lottery? “Elf”-made millionaire!
Why do elves wear pointy shoes? To point them in the right direction home!
What type of music do elves like best? Wrap.
What do you call an elf who won’t share? Elfish.
What do you call a badly behaved elf? A rebel without a Claus!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb? Ten: One to change it and nine to stand on one another’s shoulders.
Food & Drink
Why was the Christmas cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer so long!
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph.
Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? He was feeling crummy.
What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite!
How does a snowman lose weight? He waits for the weather to get warmer!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.
What’s a snowman’s favourite drink? Iced tea.
Christmas Tree & Decoration
What do you call a Christmas tree with a bad attitude? A grumpy pine!
What do Christmas trees wear to the pool? Trunks!
What did one Christmas tree say to another? Lighten up!
What’s a Christmas tree’s favourite type of music? Rock and pine!
How do you turn a Christmas tree into a reindeer? You decorate it with HORNaments
How does a Christmas tree keep its breath fresh? Orna-mints!
Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim!
Why was the Christmas tree a good musician? It had great timber!
What do Christmas trees do when they want to join the army? They sign up for the branch service.
What do you call a fake Christmas tree? An “impost-tree.”
Why do Christmas trees make great bank employees? They’re good with branches.
Gift-Giving Jokes
What do you call a cat on Christmas morning? Santa Claws with all the presents!
Why did the boy put his Christmas gift in the freezer? He wanted to give a cool gift!
Why are Christmas presents always well read? Because of their good “wrap”!
What kind of cars do elves like to give? Toy-otas wrapped up in a bow!
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? “Stick with me and we’ll go places!”
What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”? Santa walking backward with gifts!
What’s a parent’s favourite Christmas carol? “Silent Night” after all the gifts are wrapped!
What did one present say to the other? “That’s a wrap!”
Why don’t gifts like secrets? Because they are always being “unwrapped.”
What’s a gift’s favourite music? “Wrap” music!
What’s the best Christmas present to receive? A broken drum — you can’t beat it!
What do you call a present that’s difficult to open? A wrap scallion.
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing — it was on the house!
Holiday Character Jokes (e.g., Frosty, Rudolph, Grinch)
Why was Rudolph picked for the soccer team? Because he knows how to rein it in!
What game do reindeer play at sleepovers? Truth or deer.
Why was Frosty the Snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He looks at his calen-deer!
How does Frosty keep his money safe? In a snow bank!
How did Rudolph win the game show? He used his “nose-it-all” button.
Why doesn’t the Grinch like knock-knock jokes? Because there’s always “Who,” who?
Why did Frosty go to the middle of the lake? Because snow-body goes there!
What’s Rudolph’s favourite pop song? “Light it Up!”
How does Frosty greet other snowmen? “Ice to meet you!”
Why do Rudolph’s friends ask him for advice? Because he’s a dear leader!
Christmas Movie References
Elf: How does Buddy the Elf make Christmas cards? “Covered in syrup and a little sparkle – that’s what Christmas cheer is all about!”
A Christmas Story: What’s Ralphie’s Christmas wish?”To get through the holiday without ‘shooting his eye out!’”
Scrooged: How does Frank Cross say Merry Christmas? “With a side of sarcasm and a bonus cheque he doesn’t actually sign!”
Gremlins: What’s a Gremlin’s favourite Christmas carol? “‘Silent Night’ – until someone spills water!”
Bad Santa: Why doesn’t Willie send Christmas cards? “Because he’s already on everyone’s naughty list!”
Die Hard: How does John McClane decorate his Christmas tree? “With a few broken ornaments, some duct tape, and a lot of attitude!”
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation: Why does Clark Griswold use so many Christmas lights? “Because he wants his house to be seen from space!”
Love Actually: How does Mark deliver his Christmas messages? “With a bunch of cue cards and zero subtlety!”
Frozen: What does Olaf do when he opens his Christmas presents? “He melts with excitement…literally!”
Miracle on 34th Street: Why doesn’t Kris Kringle go to holiday sales? “Because he believes the best gifts don’t come with price tags!”
Edward Scissorhands: What’s Edward’s favourite Christmas activity? “Making beautiful snowflakes…with a lot of pointy precision!”
Forrest Gump: What’s Forrest Gump’s Christmas advice? “Christmas is like a box of chocolates – you never know if you’re getting socks or candy!”
The Sound of Music: What does Maria von Trapp get for Christmas? “A few of her favourite things – brown paper packages tied up with string!”
The Godfather: How does Don Corleone do holiday shopping? “He makes them an offer they can’t refuse – and a gift they can’t return!”
The Silence of the Lambs: What’s Hannibal Lecter’s favourite Christmas dish? “Roast beef…with a nice cranberry sauce!”
Family Gathering Jokes
What’s the most common phrase at family gatherings? “When are you getting married?”
Why did the salad go to the family gathering? It heard it was a “mixing” event!
What’s the best way to survive a family gathering? Stay close to the snacks and away from the gossip!
How do you find the most popular person at a family gathering? Look for the one avoiding all questions!
What’s the best way to keep warm at a chilly family gathering? Stand in the corner; they’re usually 90 degrees!
What’s the difference between an all-you-can-eat restaurant and Christmas dinner at grandma’s house? At the restaurant, you get to decide when you’ve had enough.
Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
I told my family I wanted a Christmas where we all got along. They laughed and said, “Good one! Now, what do you really want?”
At our family Christmas, we play a game called “Avoid the Topic.” The rules are simple: Don’t bring up politics, religion, or why cousin Steve is still single.
Christmas miracle: When all your relatives show up on time, and nobody asks when you’re getting married or having kids.
Our family has a special Christmas Eve tradition where we all pretend we like each other’s gifts. We call it “The Great British Fake Off.”
Why did the family put their Christmas tree in the bathroom? They wanted to make sure everyone had a place to go when things got awkward at dinner.
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The original DadShop writer, owner, fun loving and tech guy. Great with computers, gadgets, quick on his feet and lover of novelty gifts. Ben writes for our wonderful blog occasionally just to pass time.
